How to deal with loss

Introduction: I was listening to the radio. The music was a well known song featuring Frank Sinatra entitled, That’s life. The lyrics were about gain and loss and the singer suggested that he had been both on top and on the bottom both a king and a pulpier. His final words were that he was just going to roll up into a big ball and die. We need to understand that life is full of addition and subtraction or division – and any kind of loss produces grief. It is not the loss that shapes us but what do we do when it comes.

Luke 15:4 - 10 (NKJV) ⁴“What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? ⁵And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. ⁶And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’ ⁷I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance. ⁸“Or what woman, having ten silver ^£coins, if she loses one coin, does not light a lamp, sweep the house, and search carefully until she finds it? ⁹And when she has found it, she calls her friends and neighbors together, saying, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found the piece which I lost!’ ¹⁰Likewise, I say to you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

ILL: I understand that Jesus is talking about spiritualy lost people and salvation but both stories also deal with loss

I. All loss produces grief

ILL: What is grief – it comes from a word that means “emotional hurting or suffering” – your emotions are in pain!

1 Samuel 1:1 - 20 (NKJV) ¹Now there was a certain man of Ramathaim Zophim, of the mountains of Ephraim, and his name was Elkanah the son of Jeroham, the son of ^£Elihu, the son of ^£Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. ²And he had two wives: the name of one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children. ³This man went up from his city yearly to worship and sacrifice to the Lord of hosts in Shiloh. Also the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, the priests of the Lord, were there. ⁴And whenever the time came for Elkanah to make an offering, he would give portions to Peninnah his wife and to all her sons and daughters. ⁵But to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, although the Lord had closed her womb. ⁶And her rival also provoked her severely, to make her miserable, because the Lord had closed her womb. ⁷So it was, year by year, when she went up to the house of the Lord, that she provoked her; therefore she wept and did not eat. ⁸Then Elkanah her husband said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? And why is your heart grieved? Am I not better to you than ten sons?” ⁹So Hannah arose after they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat by the doorpost of the ^£tabernacle of the Lord. ¹⁰And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the Lord and wept in anguish. ¹¹Then she made a vow and said, “O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head.” ¹²And it happened, as she continued praying before the Lord, that Eli watched her mouth. ¹³Now Hannah spoke in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli thought she was drunk. ¹⁴So Eli said to her, “How long will you be drunk? Put your wine away from you!” ¹⁵But Hannah answered and said, “No, my lord, I am a woman of sorrowful spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor intoxicating drink, but have poured out my soul before the Lord. ¹⁶Do not consider your maidservant a wicked^£ woman, for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief I have spoken until now.” ¹⁷Then Eli answered and said, “Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition which you have asked of Him.” ¹⁸And she said, “Let your maidservant find favor in your sight.” So the woman went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad. ¹⁹Then they rose early in the morning and worshiped before the Lord, and returned and came to their house at Ramah. And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the Lord remembered her. ²⁰So it came to pass in the process of time that Hannah conceived and bore a son, and called his name ^£Samuel, saying, “Because I have asked for him from the Lord.”

• Hannah was grieving over a son she did not have just as if her son had died.
• She had “bitterness in her soul”
• She was so depressed she neither wanted to eat or drink

ILL: When I served as a Chaplin at a NC mental institute I ministered to a young woman who had to be force fed, she stayed with her face to a wall and would not talk – she had lost her boy friend, and she thought all her beauty, in one night. The shock was so great she had become manic depressive over the loss.

A. Loss of relationship produces grief

ILL: When a church looses membership the Pastor and the church goes through grief!

B. Divorce produces grief

ILL: I talked to a professional man who said, “Dr. Willis, I don’t feel like living.” The love they had for each other had died and now they were in the process of “killing” the marriage – they not only had anger but depression and grief.

People who go through divorce go through the same grief as one who faced death!

ILL: I was at a funeral where the man cried out “Sally why did you leave me” all while he was changed to two deputy and being tried with her murder. He was in grief!

C. Loss of employment produces grief

ILL: The first time I lost my job I went and sat in a dark trailer and cried. The loss of employment can be disastrous, especially for a man because he looses not only his means of support but his identity.

D. Death produces grief

ILL: One of my hero’s in the faith was Lester Sumrall. He wrote;

“When the undertakes came to take my wife, I wanted to scream. “Don’t touch my wife! She is my wife. Don’t you touch her body.”

When they picked her up and put her on the cart, I was almost hysterical, I wanted to scream at them “Wait a minute, this is her home, this is the one I built for her, she only wanted to live in this home.”

When they started to roll her toward the front door, I really wanted to scream. In my spirit I was saying, “Wait she belongs here, this house was made for her. This is her house don’t you take her out of that door. You must not take her out of that door.”

…Does time heal all wounds? I wouldn’t know;

Everything in the house reminds me of something we shared together…I go on because of Louise were here, she would scold me. She would say, “What are you doing sitting around?” Why don’t you get busy and do what God told you to do?”

II. God’s answer to grief over a loss

A. Express it

ILL: David’s grief at the loss of his friendship with King Saul

Psalms 6:6 - 10 (NKJV) ⁶ I am weary with my groaning; All night I make my bed swim; I drench my couch with my tears. ⁷ My eye wastes away because of grief; It grows old because of all my enemies. ⁸ Depart from me, all you workers of iniquity; For the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping. ⁹ The Lord has heard my supplication; The Lord will receive my prayer. ¹⁰ Let all my enemies be ashamed and greatly troubled; Let them turn back and be ashamed suddenly.

ILL: Jesus’ grief at the death of his friend Lazarus

John 11:33 - 44 (NKJV) ³³Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. ³⁴And He said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.” ³⁵Jesus wept. ³⁶Then the Jews said, “See how He loved him!” ³⁷And some of them said, “Could not this Man, who opened the eyes of the blind, also have kept this man from dying?” ³⁸Then Jesus, again groaning in Himself, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. ³⁹Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of him who was dead, said to Him, “Lord, by this time there is a stench, for he has been dead four days.” ⁴⁰Jesus said to her, “Did I not say to you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?” ⁴¹Then they took away the stone ^£from the place where the dead man was lying. And Jesus lifted up His eyes and said, “Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. ⁴²And I know that You always hear Me, but because of the people who are standing by I said this, that they may believe that You sent Me.” ⁴³Now when He had said these things, He cried with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come forth!” ⁴⁴And he who had died came out bound hand and foot with graveclothes, and his face was wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Loose him, and let him go.”

B. Recognize Jesus took it on the cross

Isaiah 53:3 - 5 (NKJV) ³ He is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. ⁴ Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God, and afflicted. ⁵ But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.

III. When you loose – find it or replace it – take action!

The Five stages of grief

1. Denial – This really cannot happen to me – I cannot loose

2. Anger – I don’t deserve this what have I done to be hurt?

3. Avoidance or changing it – Let’s see if I can make a bargain with God?

4. Depression – the result of multiple losses

David lost his and Bathsheba’s son – then he lost his son Amon – and finally Absalmom

2 Samuel 19:1 - 8 (NKJV) ¹And Joab was told, “Behold, the king is weeping and mourning for Absalom.” ²So the victory that day was turned into mourning for all the people. For the people heard it said that day, “The king is grieved for his son.” ³And the people stole back into the city that day, as people who are ashamed steal away when they flee in battle. ⁴But the king covered his face, and the king cried out with a loud voice, “O my son Absalom! O Absalom, my son, my son!” ⁵Then Joab came into the house to the king, and said, “Today you have disgraced all your servants who today have saved your life, the lives of your sons and daughters, the lives of your wives and the lives of your concubines, ⁶in that you love your enemies and hate your friends. For you have declared today that you regard neither princes nor servants; for today I perceive that if Absalom had lived and all of us had died today, then it would have pleased you well. ⁷Now therefore, arise, go out and speak comfort to your servants. For I swear by the Lord, if you do not go out, not one will stay with you this night. And that will be worse for you than all the evil that has befallen you from your youth until now.” ⁸Then the king arose and sat in the gate. And they told all the people, saying, “There is the king, sitting in the gate.” So all the people came before the king. For everyone of Israel had fled to his tent.

ILL: I have a relative that has been divorced three times, lost her employment and then her husband died – She is a very bitter person- now blaming God and His ministers for all her problems.

5. Conclusion – get over it and start doing something!

Had some losses – “That’s life!” As Joab told David, “Accept it and get over it” - A lost sheep – go look for one - A. lost coin - go sweep the floor!

Now you cannot always replace a lost with a similar person, idea or object but you need to replace it with something as Dr. Sumrall said his wife would have told him “get busy doing God’s work.”