January 14, 2007
Sermon # 661
Deposits into the Marriage Account
Introduction: One of the conflicts Mary and I continue to have in our marriage is in the area of the check book. Mary has her own checking account – used for household, groceries, and personal items – but I keep the financial records. One of my father’s influences in my life comes in the area of finances. He taught me how to set a budget, set up accounts, and even how to report and file tax forms. Dad was very conscientious in financial maters even in buying and selling. Mary, however, grow up in a family where her father did all of financial business, buying and selling, even to the point that Mary’s Mother never went shopping ( or if she did he was with her) even to the groceries and what dresses she should wear. As a result handling money or family business was never important to Mary. Once I received a check made out to an amount of money for the same amount of money. I asked my banker how the check got cashed and his reply was “we understand that it was Mary’s account.” Why checks cannot be numbered in sequence and lined up with dates neither I nor my computer can understand!
The Sermon today is not about finances but about marriage. So why am I starting by telling you about Mary’s problem with the check book? Because Gary Smalley correctly states that having a lasting, loving marriage has to do with what deposits and withdraws you make from the love account. Remember this rule in finances, “If your outgo exceeds your income your over keep will be your downfall.” This applies to your Marriage love account. Gary states that if you do not deposit five times more that you withdraw your upkeep will lead to divorce!
Ephesians 5:20 - 33 (KJV) 20Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; 21Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
ILL: Submission comes from the Greek word hupotassō,hoop-ot-as'-so
Which means to place yourself under and give honor to Paul says, “submitting yourself one to another”
Deposit – security-producing, gentle touch, saying “I love you” shared experience
Withdrawal, harsh word, unkept promise, being ignored, controlling, hurt
I. The deposit of Honor
A. First to God (On a scale of 1-10 God always has to be 1!)
Ephesians 5: 20Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;
Matthew 22:34 - 46 (NKJV) 34But when the Pharisees heard that He had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. 35Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying, 36“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” 37Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’£ 38This is the first and great commandment. 39And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” 41While the Pharisees were gathered together, Jesus asked them, 42saying, “What do you think about the Christ? Whose Son is He?” They said to Him, “The Son of David.” 43He said to them, “How then does David in the Spirit call Him ‘Lord,’ saying: 44 ‘The Lord said to my Lord, “Sit at My right hand, Till I make Your enemies Your footstool”’?£ 45If David then calls Him ‘Lord,’ how is He his Son?” 46And no one was able to answer Him a word, nor from that day on did anyone dare question Him anymore.
You Honor God by Asking Jesus Christ into your heart
John 14:6 - 11 (NKJV) 6Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. 7“If you had known Me, you would have known My Father also; and from now on you know Him and have seen Him.” 8Philip said to Him, “Lord, show us the Father, and it is sufficient for us.” 9Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known Me, Philip? He who has seen Me has seen the Father; so how can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? 10Do you not believe that I am in the Father, and the Father in Me? The words that I speak to you I do not speak on My own authority; but the Father who dwells in Me does the works. 11Believe Me that I am in the Father and the Father in Me, or else believe Me for the sake of the works themselves.
You Honor God by worshiping Him
Psalms 29:1 - 2 (NKJV) 1 Give unto the Lord, O you mighty ones, Give unto the Lord glory and strength. 2 Give unto the Lord the glory due to His name; Worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness.
B. Honor your mate (On a scale of 1-10 give them 9.5)
ILL: Men and women get their identity from different sources – men from what they do women from who they relate to.
· Give a husband praise for what he accomplishes – every time you criticize him or correct him (especially in front of his peers you make a withdrawl)
· Give a wife praise for how she looks – if you criticize her looks, or dress boy you have made a big withdrawl)
ILL: A married women approached me at the door of the church, “You like my hat don’t you pastor?” Now it was the gosh awful mess I had ever seen. “It’s a pretty shade of blue” I answered. Her husband looked at me as if to say, “you liar!” But, I could tell he and made a big with drawl from his account that morning and I wasn’t going to make the same mistake!
II. The deposit of Responsibility
A. The husband is responsible for protection and provision
ILL: Show her and tell her – it you have to confront another man and tell them, “you do not use that language in my wife’s presence” – do it! Show her the nest is protected.
ILL The female eagle will not mate with a male who will not risk his life to pick up a stick she drops – she wants to know he will protect the chicks.
ILL: Every time a bill collector calls or writes your house it’s a major with drawl!
C. The wife is responsible for the home environment.
Proverbs 21:9 (NKJV) 9 Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
ILL: A man wants to come home to a clean, peaceful, hiding place where he is not fighting or doesn’t feel the need to compete.
D. Sexual responsibility
1 Corinthians 7:1 - 9 (NKJV) 1Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. 8But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
ILL: You say, “not tonight honey, I have a headache” that’s a with drawl from the bank account
III. Deposit of Self-Control
Matthew 22:37 - 39 (NKJV) 37Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38This is the first and great commandment. 39And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’
ILL: If you cannot love yourself, you cannot love your mate!
A. God forgave me so I can forgive my mate
Matthew 6:14 - 15 (NKJV) 14“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
B. I’m not perfect so I can love an imperfect mate
Romans 3:21 - 23 (NKJV) 21But now the righteousness of God apart from the law is revealed, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, 22even the righteousness of God, through faith in Jesus Christ, to all and on all who believe. For there is no difference; 23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
ILL: Every person has a personality trait: Dr. Trent defines them as
· The Lion King
· The Otter
· The Golden Retriever
· The Beaver
In marriage we need to deposit into our personality trait some self-control. I’m the Lion King – I like to go out on the hunt, conquer then snooze in the sun. My wife, Mary, is a Beaver, she had to be putting everything strait. Beavers only see details, Lions the big picture. I’ve had to learn to sleep through all her moving and banging things!
ILL: A person once asked me, “How can Mary love a man like you?” My answer “I wonder the same question – aren’t I the most blessed man you ever met!”
C. I CAN!
Philippians 4:8 - 13 (NKJV) 8Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. … 13I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
ILL: Deposit into your love account everything you can think about you that is true, noble, just, pure, virtue & praiseworthy because others are going to try to deplete the account.
Conclusion:
The question asked was “how do you have an enduring marriage?” The answer: Deposit more into the marriage account and keep a balance for an emergency.
