Part 2 The Marriage Journey

The Foundations of a Happy Marriage

Honor
1 Peter 3:1 - 2 (NKJV) ¹Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,
²when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV) ⁷Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

ILL: Paul is saying the same thing:
Romans 12:9 - 10 (NKJV) ⁹Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.
¹⁰Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another…

Honor is the foundation of a healthy relationship
ILL: Mary, my wife, and I have not always had a healthy marriage. There were times she wanted to walk out of our marriage. The most stressful time was when I was in college and seminary. I was doing a full course load, building a new church building, and pastoring full time in a church. In addition, I had my college and seminary friends. We would spend hours on hours discussing theological issues and enjoying fellowship with each other. Mary got pushed to the side except for cooking the meals and sleeping with me. I was not giving her the time and honor a wife should have and deserves.
    A pulpit committee was interested in having me as their pastor. "We would like to test Mary," one of the women said, "We want to see how she handles the social graces. Please have her and your home ready for our inspection." I told Mary to have the house clean, immaculate, to have food prepared, and to make her self well-dressed and groomed. The committee came all dressed in their finest. I answered the door and had them seated. The house was as I had ordered. Food was on the dining room table. But Mary was in the bedroom. "Mary," I called, "We have guests."
    Mary did not come. After some time I called again – still no Mary. Then, angry and exasperated I shouted, "Mary get in here!" She came – her hair was rolled up in curlers, she had a bright red bandana over her head, bright red lipstick on her lips, tight pants. She rolled her hips as she came passing through the room. "Hey, I'm going to shoot some pool – want to come?"
    The pulpit committee of the 1^st church went out of the front door as she left by the kitchen door.
Why wasn't she submissive? Because I was failing to show her honor!
Honor is in the eye of the beholder
How you look at something makes it of value – whatever you value you will honor!
- Your wife or husband is unique
  Psalm 139:14 - 18 (NKJV) ¹⁴I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
  Marvelous are Your works,
  And that my soul knows very well.
  ¹⁵My frame was not hidden from You,
  When I was made in secret,
  And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
  ¹⁶Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
  And in Your book they all were written,
  The days fashioned for me,
  When as yet there were none of them.
  ¹⁷How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
  How great is the sum of them!
  ¹⁸If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
  When I awake, I am still with You.
  
  ILL: The fewer there are of anything, the more valuable. Diamonds are more valuable than glass because each diamond is unique and there are few of them. A Strativarius violin is of great value while a fiddle is not.
- There is not anyone on the face of the earth that is exactly like my wife – think of her value!
  
  Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV) ²²He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.
  
  ILL: The value God places on a woman of virtue
  Proverbs 31:10 - 31 (NKJV) ¹⁰Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.
  ¹¹The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
  So he will have no lack of gain.
  ¹²She does him good and not evil
  All the days of her life.
  ¹³She seeks wool and flax,
  And willingly works with her hands.
  ¹⁴She is like the merchant ships,
  She brings her food from afar.
  ¹⁵She also rises while it is yet night,
  And provides food for her household,
  And a portion for her maidservants.
  ¹⁶She considers a field and buys it;
  From her profits she plants a vineyard.
  ¹⁷She girds herself with strength,
  And strengthens her arms.
  ¹⁸She perceives that her merchandise is good,
  And her lamp does not go out by night.
  ¹⁹She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
  And her hand holds the spindle.
  ²⁰She extends her hand to the poor,
  Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
  ²¹She is not afraid of snow for her household,
  For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
  ²²She makes tapestry for herself;
  Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
  ²³Her husband is known in the gates,
  When he sits among the elders of the land.
  ²⁴She makes linen garments and sells them,
  And supplies sashes for the merchants.
  ²⁵Strength and honor are her clothing;
  She shall rejoice in time to come.
  ²⁶She opens her mouth with wisdom,
  And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
  ²⁷She watches over the ways of her household,
  And does not eat the bread of idleness.
  ²⁸Her children rise up and call her blessed;
  Her husband also, and he praises her:
  ²⁹"Many daughters have done well,
  But you excel them all."
  ³⁰Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
  But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
  ³¹Give her of the fruit of her hands,
  And let her own works praise her in the gates.
Praise honors!
- Judging dishonors your mate – especially in front of others
  Matthew 7:1 – 6 (NKJV) ¹Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother. 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
  
  1 Corinthians 14:34 - 35 (NKJV) ³⁴Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says.
  ³⁵And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church.
  He was not saying that women could not minister, they did in the NT, but he is talking about submission – don't dishonor him by asking him in church, do it at home!
  - Provocative dressing by a wife dishonors her husband
  1 Peter 3:3 – 5 (NKJV) ¹Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother. 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
  ILL: Why did Peter put the women's dress in submissiveness? They are not to be dressing to attract other men!
  Matthew 7:6 (NKJV) "Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces."
- Sarcasm dishonors
- Demeaning words dishonor
- Angry words dishonor
- Ignoring the other person dishonors
- Overcommitting yourself to someone else dishonors
- Unwillingness to admit when you are wrong dishonors
- Making sex a performance rather than a relationship dishonors
  
  1 Corinthians 7:2 - 5 (NKJV) ²Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. ³Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
  ⁴The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
  ⁵Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
  
  ILL: The groom on his honeymoon looked at his wife as she came from the bathroom, "I never noticed that you had belly fat." Good-bye intimacy and romance!
Protection honors
Matthew 6:19 - 21 (NKJV) ¹⁹"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; ²⁰but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

ILL: If your mate is your treasure, you will protect her/him. Why do we have banks? To protect what we believe is valuable. Next to God, your wife/husband should be your greatest treasure!
Genuine love is honor put into action regardless of the cost
Revelation 5:11 - 12 ¹¹Then I looked, and I heard the voice of many angels around the throne, the living creatures, and the elders; and the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands, ¹²saying with a loud voice:

         "Worthy is the Lamb who was slain

         To receive power and riches and wisdom,

         And strength and honor and glory and blessing!"

ILL: Why is Christ worthy to receive honor – because of the price He paid!

ILL: When I was only a teenager my father asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told him that I wanted a girl's watch. He told me that if that's what I wanted, it was all I would get. I told him that would be enough. We went to a fine jewelry store and I picked out a watch - white gold with two small diamonds. It cost me everything I would have received for Christmas. It was worth it. The watch was for Mary, and we have been married 57 years now. Honor means caring enough to give your very best!

ILL: I was a young Pastor in my first church when the woman came for counseling. "I'm afraid Jim is falling in love with another woman." She told me.
"Of course he is," I replied. I've been in your house, it is dirty, messy and looks like something a pig would not live in. You walk around dirty, smelly, in disorderly dress. The Bible tells us not to cast our pearls before swine. You give your husband no honor and a man will find honor wherever he can. Go home, clean your house, take a bath, put on something nice, fix a nice dinner and make it look appetizing. Call Jim on the telephone and ask him to come home and when he gets there tell him that you love him and want to honor him."
She left my office very angry after telling me that I was young, too young to be a Pastor, and didn't know anything about life. Sunday she came to church with her husband. She was holding his hand and looking at him with pride. She was dressed, clean, had on makeup, and was radiant. She smiled at me and whispered, "Thank you, Pastor; it worked!" Honor!

ILL: My wife and I are fortunate enough to have two automobiles. I drive a pickup truck. My wife had the safest built Mercedes I could afford – Honor!
The Ah-h-h-h-h factor in honor
1 Corinthians 6:20 (NKJV) ²⁰For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify (honor) God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.

ILL: Mary and I have a dog, a collie. When I come into the drive, she comes to the car door with her head down. It's not in fear, but she recognizes me as the "alpha male" in the family and she is showing me honor. When I recognize it and pet her on the head or scratch her ear, she comes alive with a wagging tail and exciting greeting. She is giving me the ah-h-h-h-h factor. Honor!

ILL: Every once in a while, you should look at your mate and say ah-h-h-h-h. I cannot believe anyone as wonderful as you could love me. Honor!