February 28, 2010
Sermon #826
The Marriage Journey
Introduction: Larry Christenson, in the book, The Christian Couple, writes that “marriage is the new land, pioneer land, full of difficulty, full of hope. ” To that, I would add that marriage is always a new pioneer land no matter when you started the journey or how long you have been on it. That is what makes it exciting, mysterious, dangerous, and worthwhile. The Apostle Paul calls it a mystery:
Ephesians 5:30 - 33 (NKJV) 30For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
I. Marriage is a mystery because it belongs to God
Romans 11:33 - 36 (NKJV) 33Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out! 34“For who has known the mind of the LORD? Or who has become His counselor?” 35“Or who has first given to Him And it shall be repaid to him?” 36For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen.
A. God is the “Wholly Other”
God is not an object, a thing. He is a person revealed as Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. While He does not change, my relationship to Him is in constant flux. I cannot relate to Him as to a chair that will be where I left it the next day. Because time and situation has changed, and I have changed, I will have to hunt and search to find Him.
B. Marriage means I am related, bonded, to one created in the image of the “Wholly Other”
My mate is not an object, a thing. She (He) is a person. She (He) does change and our relationship is in constant flux. Because we are both changing, both moving through time and situations, our marriage is always changing. That is why it is always a “mystery,” a journey, an adventure, a new page in a book to which I do not know the ending.
C. Like our journey with God, marriage must be a walk of faith and adversity
James 1:2 - 4 (NKJV) 2My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
Marriage translation, Make things joyful in the trials, for your marriage will be tested but keep faith that the testing of your marriage will become complete and lack nothing.
II. Your mate is wholly other
Psalm 139:13 - 17 (NKJV) 13For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. 14I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. 15My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them. 17How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!
ILL: A Jewish teaching states that 40 days before a baby is formed in the womb, God chose a mate for it. The two of them coming together are a greater miracle than the opening of the Red Sea!
Men and Women are different, physically, soulfully, (in their thinking processes and emotionally) and spiritually.
Ephesians 5:25 - 33 (NKJV) 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
A. The Husband
• A Covenant (not a contract between two people) - In the Christian marriage, God is the third person
• A Covenant is based upon a Word, not a feeling. If you will obey, you will love! The Will is the doorknob to the heart.
ILL: A man has to be careful who or what he lets turn the doorknob: Society, Self-Will, Temptation, Duty, Education, Friends, Enemies, Impulses, Charlatans.
• Husbands, Love – is a Command that demands obedience! Turning the doorknob means doing something – opening the door!
ILL: We showed the movie “Fireproof” in this church and ran the program. Remember what the “fireman” did to save his marriage. He started doing little things.
ILL: The wife said, “I don’t want him to love me because he has to. I want him to feel it.” The heart of a man will always follow his will.
ILL: The man said to me, “We got really acquainted at work. She had no way to get home so I drove her. Then I came in for a cup of coffee. I really had feelings toward her, she understood me, was attractive and I felt romantic about her. One day after I left her place, I turned the car around and went back opened the door and we made love. I am going to leave my wife because I am in love with the other woman.”
“Your will opened the door,” I told him. “You chose to turn the car around and go back and you chose to open the door. Your feelings toward her are following your will.”
• One of the big lies Satan tells is that you cannot say NO to your feelings!
John 14:15 - 18 (NKJV) 15“If you love Me, keep My commandments. 16And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— 17the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. 18I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.
• If you love Jesus you will keep His commandments, and if you keep His commandments you love Him!
Acts 5:32 (NKJV) 32And we are His witnesses to these things, and so also is the Holy Spirit whom God has given to those who obey Him.”
• My will opens the doorknob to Christ and Love comes in.
ILL: Mary comes home and hears hammering. She panics. She knows that I cannot fix anything. I tried to change the oil on a lawnmower and it had to be sent back to the factory. “It’s all right,” I call out, “Kenny is here fixing the door.” Now Mary feels good and loved.
“But you didn’t fix the door!”
No, but I opened the door and Kenny came in. Understand, that the man’s will opens the doorknob and love comes in!
Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote: “It is not your love that sustains marriage, but your marriage that will sustain your love.”
For a man, love is a choice.
B. The Wife
Ephesians 5:22 - 24 (NKJV) 22Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Different and Equal
• In the Godhead
1 Corinthians 11:2 - 3 (NKJV) 2Now I praise you, brethren, that you remember me in all things and keep the traditions just as I delivered them to you. 3But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
Philippians 2:5 - 7 (NKJV) 5Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, 6who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, 7but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men.
• The Bible makes no difference between men and women as to status.
Galatians 3:26 - 29 (NKJV) 26For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. 28There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.
1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV) 7Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
ILL: My wife and I had a great example of Christian husband and wife relationships from her father and mother after her father became submissive to Christ.
Mary and I were engaged and I was away in the Air Force. Mary was at home sick and my father decided to visit her. He came unannounced and knocked on the door. Mrs. Roberts answered. “I’ve come to see Mary,” Dad said. “My husband is not at home, Mary’s mother answered. “I didn’t come to see Steve,” my father replied. “Well,” Mary’s mother answered sweetly, “you don’t come into my husband’s home unless he is here or he has invited you. You can come back after 6 this evening when my husband is at home.” My Dad was furious, but Mary’s mother held her ground.
On another occasion, after we were married, Mary answered the telephone. ‘Hi Dad.” Her father asked. “Can I speak to Paul?” “Sure, how are you and Mom?” “Can I speak to Paul?” he repeated. She gave me the phone. After some pleasantries, he asked, “Ruby and I would like to visit. Would that be appropriate, and if so, when would be a good time?” After we made the arrangements he asked, “Now can I speak to my daughter?” “Of course,” I answered. “But why didn’t you talk to her when you called?” I asked. “You are her husband,” he replied, “and I honor you as head of your home.” Wow – that made me feel good!
C. Different in soul (emotions & thinking patterns)
• A man gets his sense of identity from accomplishments
• A woman gets her sense of identity from relationships
ILL: A wife should never put her husband down, especially in front of other men with whom he desires respect, in anything concerning his job or accomplishment. A husband should never put his wife down concerning her relationships, family, or friends.
Men choose to love. Women fall in love.
III. What about if one becomes a Christian and the other doesn’t?
It is called, “Holy Matrimony,” but it can only be holy if the participants are. If your husband or your wife is not – the Christian sanctifies the marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:10 - 17 (NKJV) 10Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. 12But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? 17But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all the churches.
A. What happens at the rapture
Proverbs 11:21 (NKJV) 21Though they join forces, the wicked will not go unpunished; But the posterity of the righteous will be delivered.
Psalm 103:17 - 18 (NKJV) 17But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, And His righteousness to children’s children, 18To such as keep His covenant, And to those who remember His commandments to do them.
B. The greatest thing a husband or wife can do for their children is to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and serve Him.
ILL: The Tithe blesses the children.
Hebrews 7:4 - 10 (NKJV) 4Now consider how great this man was, to whom even the patriarch Abraham gave a tenth of the spoils. 5And indeed those who are of the sons of Levi, who receive the priesthood, have a commandment to receive tithes from the people according to the law, that is, from their brethren, though they have come from the loins of Abraham; 6but he whose genealogy is not derived from them received tithes from Abraham and blessed him who had the promises. 7Now beyond all contradiction the lesser is blessed by the better. 8Here mortal men receive tithes, but there he receives them, of whom it is witnessed that he lives. 9Even Levi, who receives tithes, paid tithes through Abraham, so to speak, 10for he was still in the loins of his father when Melchizedek met him.
Proverbs 13:22 (NKJV) 22A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children, But the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous.
Psalm 37:25 (NKJV) 25I have been young, and now am old; Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, Nor his descendants begging bread.
Conclusion: There are two kinds of marriage.
• A contract – a civil union: God honors. He renders unto Caesar that which belongs to him.
• A covenant – a Holy union: God honors and blesses.
