February 21, 2010
Sermon # 825
Love and Romance
Introduction: She whispers, “I love you.” What is meant? Where does it come from? What is love?
God is the source of all love
1 John 4:7 - 16 (NKJV) 7Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 9In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. 10In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us. 13By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. 14And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world. 15Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 16And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.
A. There are three kinds of love
Agape - A love that requires no return
Philo - A love of relationship
Eros - Romantic love
B. All three are found in the Godhead
John 3:16 - 21 (NKJV) 16For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 17For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. 18“He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. 19And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. 20For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. 21But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.”
C. God is light – light is made from a mixture of the spectrum
1 John 1:5 - 7 (NKJV) 5This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. 6If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 7But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.
D. Love, like light, contains a mixture
Galatians 5:22 - 24 (NKJV) 22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
ILL: Note that fruit of the Spirit is singular. Joy, Peace, Longsuffering, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-control are all parts of love.
God loves us – He wants us to experience Joy
God loves us – He wants us to experience Peace
God loves us – He wants us to experience His Patience
God loves us – He wants us to experience Kindness
God loves us – He wants that which is good for us
God loves us – He will be Faithful
God loves us – He will be Gentle
God loves us – He wants us to experience His Self-Control
Is that what you meant when you said, “I love you?”
Light and Love are intangibles – you cannot hold onto them
ILL: Open your hand under a light and watch it. The light fills your hand. Now grab it! Your hand becomes a fist and inside is no light, only darkness. Love is the same way – grasp it and you will lose it!
God is love – He will never take away your free will, He will never force you.
To love someone, you have to be willing to let them be free
When you say, “If you love me, you will” - means you do not love them!
Love in marriage should mean I am free, but I choose to stay with you because I love you
ILL: One of the most beautiful marriages and love affairs I have ever witnessed was between a professor of mine and his lovely wife. They were in love and engaged to be married before he went to war. He was wounded in the war. The wound left him paralyzed from the waist down and impotent. He wrote her a letter and released her from the engagement. She went to the hospital and married him. He was willing to let her go because he loved her. She was willing to marry a man who could never give her sex or children because she loved him. They both showed peace, joy, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control toward each other, and to look at them you knew that they were deliriously happy with each other.
True love means “I will never leave you”
Deuteronomy 15:12 - 17 (NKJV) 12“If your brother, a Hebrew man, or a Hebrew woman, is sold to you and serves you six years, then in the seventh year you shall let him go free from you. 13And when you send him away free from you, you shall not let him go away empty-handed; 14you shall supply him liberally from your flock, from your threshing floor, and from your winepress. From what the Lord has blessed you with, you shall give to him. 15You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God redeemed you; therefore I command you this thing today. 16And if it happens that he says to you, ‘I will not go away from you,’ because he loves you and your house, since he prospers with you, 17then you shall take an awl and thrust it through his ear to the door, and he shall be your servant forever. Also to your female servant you shall do likewise.”
Free to go but chooses to stay because of love – put a hole in my ear and a ring through it; I am yours forever!
ILL: Jesus, on the cross, made a love covenant with His disciples. He did not receive a hole in His ear – but in His feet, His hands, and His side – It is His pledge to give His believers eternal life.
1 Corinthians 13:13 (NKJV) 13And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
A. Love has to contain faith
Faith is sexual control
ILL: When I council people for marriage, I ask them, “Are you now or have you had sex together – of any kind? If they answer “Yes” (and the majority do), I tell them I will not marry them until they can know each other for a minimum of six months as deep friends without sex.
Why?
They cannot trust each other. “If they will have sex with me without commitment, I cannot trust that they will not have sex with someone else after the wedding!”
ILL: The young lady told me that her husband was extremely jealous and she was having difficulty with it. When he came for counseling, I asked him, “Were you and your wife sexually active with each other before marriage?” He was puzzled at the question but answered, “Yes.” “Do you think that if she would have sex with you before she was married to you she would have sex with someone else after she was married?” He looked away, “Yes, I believe she would.” “Would you?” He answered quickly, “No!” “Then what makes you think that you are more moral than she is? That’s the root of your jealousy.”
Faith in provisions
ILL: When I council people for marriage, I ask them about their finances – their budget. Why? If you are not taking care of your finances, how can I trust you to take care of me?
ILL: I’ve seen more marriages destroyed by bill collectors – not just because the people did not have the money but because the security was destroyed. No matter how humble the nest, a woman has to feel nested and love communicates that it is not temporary.
B. Love has to contain hope
What are your dreams?
What excites you about the future of your loved one?
What am I going to work for that will please them?
I want to know that we have a future?
ILL: I asked a young girl, “What upsets you when your parents argue?” She answered, “When daddy takes off his wedding ring.” I can still remember terror when my Dad came home from the war and they were fighting over which one was going to have me when they divorced. They both said that they loved me but hope was destroyed.
Love has to be communicated
John 14:9 - 11 (NKJV) 9Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known Me, Philip? He who has seen Me has seen the Father; so how can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? 10Do you not believe that I am in the Father, and the Father in Me? The words that I speak to you I do not speak on My own authority; but the Father who dwells in Me does the works. 11Believe Me that I am in the Father and the Father in Me, or else believe Me for the sake of the works themselves.
Touch
Luke 7:44 - 47 (NKJV) 44Then He turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has washed My feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head. 45You gave Me no kiss, but this woman has not ceased to kiss My feet since the time I came in. 46You did not anoint My head with oil, but this woman has anointed My feet with fragrant oil. 47Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”
ILL: A touch can communicate many things. Mary has pets, they cannot speak in English but oh, they can communicate: a look, a touch, and that they want to be “petted,” the need - assurance.
ILL: In marriage counseling, it can be intimidating. Are they sitting next to each other, is he holding her hand, are they saying with body language we love each other?
Say it & listen
ILL: The man who said, “She knows I love her; I go to work every morning!” No! She needs to hear it and love needs to listen. Listen beneath the words.
Men and Women speak different languages
Men speak fact ( proven that the average male speaks 12,500 words per day)
Women speak emotion (proven that the average women speaks 25,000 words per day)
ILL: We are driving and Mary says, “Honey, there is a McDonalds just ahead”
I keep on driving – I’m not hungry, and Mary says, “Honey, there is a Phillips 66 station ahead.” I keep on driving – I’m not out of gas, and Mary says, “Paul, the sign says that there is a shopping center down the next exit.” I keep on driving – I don’t know anything I want. Now the conversation does not begin with ‘Honey’ or even ‘Paul.’ “I’ve go to use the restroom and it’s twenty miles to the next stop!”
Why didn’t she say that? She did, but I wasn’t listening with love, because I was not responding with Joy, Peace, Longsuffering, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-control.
When a man goes to the store, he goes hunting.
When a woman goes to the store, she goes shop-p-p-p-ping.
Men generalize.
Women are detailers (Mary actually wants to read those historical markers).
Communicating security
John 10:27 - 30 (NKJV) 27My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. 28And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. 29My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father’s hand. 30I and My Father are one.”
ILL: Look at the word picture. I am a sheep – I hear His voice – I follow Him – No one can take me away from Him – He gives me eternal life! Wow!
What do I mean about communicating security to the one I love? I mean giving the assurance that I am committed to love and value my loved one for a lifetime. To be aware that whatever difficulties we face, we’ll work to solve our problems together. Our love is not just a feeling. It is a decision!
ILL: Larry Christenson tells how romance is fading by the communication of security.
The loved one is hurting physically
1st year, “Sugar, I’m worried about my darling. You’ve got a bad sniffle. I’m putting you in the hospital for a general check-up and a good rest. I’ve got it arranged.”
2nd year, “Listen, darling I don’t live the sound of that cough, and I’ve called Dr. Miller to rush over here. Now you get into bed.”
3rd year, “Maybe you’d better lie down, honey; nothing like a little rest when you feel down. I’ll bring you some hot soup.”
4th year, “Look dear, be sensible. After you feed the kids and get dishes washed you had better go to bed.”
5th year, “What don’t you get yourself a couple of aspirin”
6th year, “If you’d gargle or something instead of sitting around barking like a seal”
7th year, “For Pete’s sake, stop sneezing! Are you trying to give me pneumonia?”
Romance – The lifetime process of discovery
Romance is not heavy petting – that’s porneia - part of sex - foreplay.
Romance is becoming friends.
ILL: Men and women should become friends before they become lovers! Your wife, or husband, should be your best friend.
Find out what they enjoy and do it with them!
ILL: Mary, my wife, enjoys historical places – it’s not my favorite thing – but I take her and enjoy the dining if I can find it. I enjoy boating. Though we courted on a boat, it’s not Mary’s favorite thing, I’m planning a boat trip this spring to a historical site, that way we each get to do something we like together.
ILL: Mary and I courted on the dance floor. For years, religion kept us from dancing together, but today I find holding her and showing her off on a dance floor to be romantic. We have our romantic songs.
Romance is just being together, holding hands, and massaging backs, doing little things she does not expect.
Romance is always new, discovering new exciting things about the other.
Conclusion:
There is a song “Love is a many Splendored Thing” It’s not just sexual desire, it is that – ‘Hallelujah’ - but it is more. It is like a brilliant diamond, complex, made of many facets and many parts. It is like God, so totally other that it is impossible for a finite mind to understand it. Love will sacrifice itself for the other. Love will give its own life to assure the life of the other. Jesus said:
John 15:9 - 17 (NKJV) 9“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. 10If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. 11“These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. 12This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. 17These things I command you, that you love one another.
This is the Love He had for you that placed Him on a cross.
This is the Love He expects you to have in marriage!
